now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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