your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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