I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
