I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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