He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
