Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
please don't ironically join a cult
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