It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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