Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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