he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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