there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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