I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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