Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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