is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
