we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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