I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
