i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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