This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
