During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize