They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
