do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
