His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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