My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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