Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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