is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
