How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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