I can tuck mytits in my pants
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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