He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
