bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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