he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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