Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
