I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
