today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
