He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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