8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
