You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
