Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
