I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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