You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
