I looked at my own cervix.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
