I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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