how do flat chested girls get laid?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
