i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
