I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
