He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
