I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
