so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
