A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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