Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
