Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
