So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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