I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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