I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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