you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
