What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
