Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
