my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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