I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
