I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
