Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
