my mouth tastes like poor choices
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
