my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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