i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
bring money and cleavage
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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