I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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