Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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