apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
