So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
