3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
