please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
