Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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