i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
