She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
