woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
