I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
