I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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