I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize