got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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