I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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