So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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