WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
