He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
