Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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