Me too!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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