I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
