i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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