I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
