I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
