I wish life had little blips of pornography
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
