giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
