I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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