She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
