return my video game
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
